He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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