her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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