i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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