I hope mine doesn't look like that
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
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