Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
