RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
