my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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