woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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