you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
