I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
