i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
