If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
