He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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