Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
