youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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