Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
