I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
