I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
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