Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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