She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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