I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize