just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
