Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
