Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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