i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I am one with the molecules
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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