i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
did i just pee glitter
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
