you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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