Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
