i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
