People with herpes should wear stickers.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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