I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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