Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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