While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
