Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
