Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
