3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
