she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
