There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
