im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I deserve this hangover.
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