The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize