was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
