Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Is Oprah even human
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