Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
we should paint friendship bongs
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