You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize