3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
