drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
