sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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