i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
