...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
