Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
