i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
