i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize