I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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