i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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