so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
