): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
