I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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