OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
