My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
