Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
