I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
