today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
