I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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