she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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