i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i out mim tonsoeep
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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