Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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