she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
